Tale of the Tape

1987; those were crazy times for all of us. I was a young lad that didn't know jack about baseball, but had a ton of baseball cards, regardless. In my vast collection of cards about a game I knew nothing about. Was a Topps card for some dude in a green shirt named Jose Canseco. I didn't care about this though, my real passion lie in G.I. Joe's.

I only had a handful of those magical little 3.75" toys, but my neighbor Jonathan had a ton. One day we proposed a trade, the Jose Canseco card in exchange for a dozen Real American Heroes.

Later on in life, I began to wonder if this was foolish. So, call up your bookies and lets finally put this to rest, shall we?

CANSECO: First player to hit 40 home runs and steal 40 bases in a season.
G.I. JOE: Opened up the world of playing with dolls to boys.
ADVANTAGE: Canseco.

G.I. JOE: Kung-Fu Grip.
CANSECO: Accused of Domestic Battery by first wife.
ADVANTAGE: Joe.

Whew. This is gonna be a real horse race.

G.I. JOE: Continuously fights to defeat the Cobra forces.
CANSECO: Continuously fights to make a buck.
ADVANTAGE: Joe.


CANSECO:
G.I. JOE:
ADVANTAGE: Draw.

CANSECO: Became a joke after needing Tommy John surgery following an inning of pitching.
G.I. JOE: Virtually indestructible as long as you don't leave them in the pool like I did.
ADVANTAGE: Joe.

CANSECO: Appeared on VH1's "The Surreal Life"
G.I. JOE: May or may not support the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy.
ADVANTAGE: Draw.

CANSECO: Has a book where he claims that he brought steroids into baseball and names the names of other players involved with steroids.
G.I. JOE: Has a comic book which is just good, clean fun.
ADVANTAGE: Joe.

OUTCOME: Canseco-1, Joe-4, Draw- 2.

Wow, that was intense, hope you didn't lose too much money betting on this one. Well, if you bet on Canseco against the Real American Hero, perhaps you deserve to lose your shirt. I hope we all learned something here today.....

Ummm, let me know what that is, ok?