Top 10 Signs You Live in Gotham City

Even as a young boy, thumbing through the pages of Batman Comics, I would often stop to ask myself, "Why would anyone ever want to live in Gotham City?,” and it is a question that I still wonder to this day. I mean, every time my brother bloggers (broggers?) write a list of the worst fictional towns, Gotham always finds itself on the list, while its sister city Metropolis always gets a free pass. So, to help everyone out, here are the Top 10 Signs that you may be living in Gotham City.

10. Chance of Crime is 100%
What does that mean? It means that crime is always going on! Constantly. Unending. It means that if you were reading a newspaper with the headline, "Crime Rate Soars" and wanted to read more, by the time you open the paper you are disheartened to learn someone has stolen your paper - along with your pants…and your wife…and your dignity.

9. It’s Never Sunny in Gotham.
Yes, it may seem that it's always sunny in Metropolis, but there is very little proof that the sun comes up everyday in Gotham City. Adam West's Batman loved the daylight, which is a really big contradiction when you think about it. Bats don't come out during the light, so why should Batman? One of my favorite moments from The Dark Knight was when Bruce Wayne refused to go out as Batman during the day, because it was so true to the comics. I can't remember the last time I saw Gotham bathed in sunlight the way Metropolis is in the pages of any of the Bat-comics. Huh, bat-comics, there's an idea for an improv troupe.

8. Two Words: Solomon Grundy.

7. Acid Doesn’t Kill You, It Makes You Stronger.
Only in Gotham City are giant vats of corrosive acid readily available and regularly used as a weapon. For instance, one of the origins of the Joker has him falling into acid, only to emerge as a deformed clown. In the comics, Two-Face’s face is scarred when acid is thrown at one side of his face. This is not the way the world works. Comic books are full of things that should make you dead making you awesome instead, and Gotham is no exception.



6. Incompetent Police Department.
Really though, those guys do nothing. I guess I can’t blame them, if I had a city job and someone was doing my job for me, I would probably stop trying as well. In actuality, Batman would give the Gotham PD much more work since he completely destroys Due Process and therefore they need to work twice as hard for a conviction.

5.No One Seems to Care That a Multi-Millionaire Bachelor has Adopted a Teenage Boy.
Can you even do that? Is it legal? It doesn't make sense that they just deliver pubescent boys to grown men. I'm concerned about this paragraph just being on here. Pretty soon this blog is gonna be crawling with pederasts that did a search for "deliver pubescent boys to grown men." Yikes, now it’s on here twice. Let's just move on. Really though, he’s not even adopting a baby, or a toddler, or a tot, but a 13 year old boy. In reality, people would talk about this...a lot...all the time…Jay Leno monologues every night. At the very least, this would make it into several papers and be talked about on the news for weeks. This is worse than Michael Jackson building a theme park in his backyard, at least Jacko never flat out adopted himself a boy-toy. Or did he?

4. The Mayor Can't Help But Get Kidnapped.
Ho Ho, that crazy pervert mayor. He just loves getting kidnapped, well he must since there’s no other reason to think anybody , let alone a mayor, could accidentally get kidnapped so many times.

3. No Prison, Just a Very Low Security Insane Asylum.
Extremely low security. Like no locks on the doors and if you're escaping they call you a taxi. This, like the mayor getting kidnapped, is one of those things that you think would eventually get fixed, but no, it's not the biggest deal in the world that there's a revolving door on the only place you have to keep your criminals.



2. This Guy is in Charge:
1. Crime rate constantly soaring, being held at the whim of a madmen, water supply poisoned, but lets not move yet. That’s right, the biggest sign that you are a Gotham City resident is that all this stuff is going on and you haven’t moved you and your family yet. C’mon, people move to someplace a little safer, a little more protected, a little brighter, a little more Metropolis.