Top 10 Reasons I Haven't Been Posting.

I know that all of you have been concerned about my well being since I teased you all with an awesome blog and then slowly disappeared into obscurity. Well here I am to let you know that nothing has happened to me, I am as safe as houses ( what does that mean? what if your house gets broken into? not too safe, huh?). And not only do I have a good excuse for my absence, I have 10...

10. Been trying to help Steven Seagal resurrect his career.

9. I've been staying up late watching all 3 hours of Big Brother After Dark looking for nudity, of which there has been none, but isn't that guy Dick a big jerk? and whats the deal with Danielle? Did anyone catch the episode where she was making a big deal about ska? Hey, 1998 called, they want their music back.

8. I've been flying back and forth from New York to San Diego dealing Oxycontin to Owen Wilson.....too soon?

7. Finally getting to work on those Golden Girls DVDs. Rue McClenahan, you are a national treasure.

6. Working hard on a spec script that combines the universes of Lord of the Rings with Star Wars. Get it? They have swords... and spaceships! Its a can't miss, I bet there are geeks lining up with their $10 already.

5. Perfecting Time Travel.

4. Working on my 2-Man Standup act with Matt LeBlanc. We are gonna take Open-Mic Night like a freakin' hurricane.

3. Why won't Brad Garrett return my phone calls?

2. While at my sister's wedding, I awoke one morning to Paul Giamatti singing "Hello, Its Me" from Duets. I've been working really hard to get it out of my head.

1. Trying to stop Moose & Squirrel.