Sunday, January 20, 2008

Happy Birthday, David Lynch!

Today ThirstyBitch celebrates the birthday of everyone's favorite American surrealist, David Lynch. DL and I have a bit of a checkered past. The first movie I saw of his was Blue Velvet and it really didn't resonate with me. I didn't hate it as much as Roger Ebert did, but I definitely didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Next up, I tried Lost Highway, which I was vaguely familiar with because of the popular soundtrack that was released with it. I don't think too many people can blame for not liking that one. After two strikes, I was pretty sure I was done with David Lynch.

Then I watched Mulholland Drive.
The film had been receiving a lot of critical buzz when it came out and since I worked at a Blockbuster at the time, when it came to DVD I was curious to check it out.
Muhlholland Drive is a great movie. I don't want to write another movie review, so we'll skip over that. After Mulholland Drive, I rewatched Blue Velvet and had a new appreciation for it. I cannot say though, if I had changed or if it was simply a case of a movie benefiting from multiple viewings. Next up, was The Elephant Man and The Straight Story. Departures for DL, yes, but still great movies. I devoured Eraserhead and then met my true Lynch love, Twin Peaks. I can barely describe Twin Peaks, I won't lie and say it's a perfect television show; it has its imperfections and weak episodes just like every other show. Twin Peaks, however, is so far above other shows that these sins are much more forgivable.

Anyway, on to the birthday festivities! Since one of my favorite Lynch signatures is his unique use of music, I thought we would wish DL a happy birthday by showcasing the finer casesof music in his work.

First up is, of course, his most famous use of music, "In Dreams" from Blue Velvet. Chilling and heartwarming at the same time, Dean Stockwell is better here than in every episode of Quantam Leap combined, and I love QL.



Next up, is perhaps the second most famous musical sequence. If you haven't seen Mulholland Drive, you may not understand why I like this scene, but there's something pretty cool happening during the number.



At the tail end of this musical salute is two scenes from Twin Peaks, well, one is a scene and the other is the opening sequence. First is a scene that you may think silly since the character is only holding a guitar and you start to hear a bass line and percussion, but I've come to forgive stuff such as this and hopefully you can too (ps, there is a very small spoiler in the clip). Secondly, The Twin Peaks theme is some of the best work that Angelo Badalmenti has done for Lynch.




Not to keep getting on a soap box about Twin Peaks, but both the music and imagery in this opening really help set the tone, more so than most other shows.




And since this is a "comedy" blog and also because I can't think of any better way to pay tribute to the man than this:








Do you have a favorite Lynch or Lynchian moment?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

"Baby Mama" Trailer




The first trailer for the new Tina Fey movie, Baby Mama, just hit the web. It looks Like Tina Fey is on a definite hot streak, not unlike when I lead the Chicago Bulls to all those NBA titles. Judging from the trailer, the chemistry that Fey and Poehler shared on Weekend Update translates to the the big screen and hopefully Romany Malco gets some screen time, I can't get enough of that guy.

Do you think you might check this movie out? Or would you prefer Tina Fey stick to the small screen?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I Am Crappy Movie

Say What? A Thirsty Bitch movie review?! I've been waiting my whole life for this. I hope he reviews a movie that's a month old!

Your wish is granted.

When I had heard all the buzz on the Internet about 18 months ago about an I am Legend movie, I decided to pick up Richard Matheson's 1954 novel of the same name. For a work of science fiction over 50 years old, it holds up surprisingly well. It's tense, smart and chilling. I enjoyed it, but I didn't love it. This made me feel like I could handle whatever dreck Hollywood was preparing to throw at me without getting my hopes up only to be let down.

Then, there was the trailer...



This caused me to thoroughly geek out. It looked like Cast Away meets 28 Days Later. My hopes began to grow like a well maintained Chia Pet ( callback, Holla!). Seriously though, the marketing team for this movie did a great job; the trailers and the TV were fantastic and really built excitement for the movie, so by the time I got a chance to check it out, I was really stoked for it.

When I finally got a chance to see it, I rushed out of work in order to make the 9:30 show. I got there just in time to catch the right amount of the looping trivia and commercials they show beforehand and by the time the lights dimmed for the 20 minutes of trailers, there was little that could prepare for this shitty trailer...



What the hell, Hayden? But I guess it only makes sense that they would eventually start making superhero movies not based on comic books, see also this piece of crap...



Yeah, I hate people, too, but I digress...

The movie began with about 20 minutes of production logos, but once the actual movie started playing I was grinning from ear to ear, it was exactly the movie I was in the mood for and had expected. Mindless fun, yes, but still fun nonetheless. It was tense, exciting, and a little creepy ( I jumped more than once). I was even able to forgive the terrible CGI creatures that look a little worse than the zombies in Resident Evil.

Then, there was the third Act. Can no one write a third act anymore? I'm sorry, I failed to mention that this movie was written by Akiva Goldsman, one of the biggest hacks in Hollywood. Let me break you down his filmography for you: Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, Lost in Space, Practical Magic, and The DaVinci Code.

Yes, he's doing the world a favor by being on strike.

So, like every other movie these days, it totally fell apart at the third act. I don't want to have to put in a spoiler alert, but Akiva Hacksman took the twist from the book and made it shittier. And not interesting. And lame. And I hate him. The movie could've been salvaged, but they added this useless Epilogue which represents everything that's wrong with movies today. Will Smith is too concerned with his bankability to headline a movie with a bleak ending, therefore the movie gets ruined right at the end. And hey by that point, they already have your $10, so who cares?

Since that was too bleak of an ending, here's a happy epilogue for you...



Don't even tell me I am Legend wouldn't have been awesome if that was the last 3 minutes instead.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Bitch is Back! Thirsty Bitch: Season 2

I know what you've all been thinking,

"Thirsty Bitch has reneged on the agreement that he made with his readers in his very first post!"
And sadly, yes, to a certain extent I did. I could give a list of excuses as to why I haven't posted since September, I even have a couple good ones, but I won't. Instead I'm just going to apologize and ask that you take me back ( c'mon, if I was a hot chick, you wouldn't think twice about it) or I could just pretend that this was a TV show and what you experienced was the hiatus.

Yeah, let's go with that one.

Top 10 Things to Look Forward to In Season Two of Thirsty Bitch:


10. Taking a page out of Aaron Spelling's Playbook, Heather Locklear joins the cast, catfights ensue.

9. Animated musical guests singing to giant anthropomorphic amphibian...just watch the clip...






By the way, you know Davy Jones totally hit that.

8. Own Season 1, Coming soon to DVD and BluRay.

7. A post written by 2 of the 5 writers of Scary Movie, but 2 of the good ones. Of course, I'm only joking... there were no good ones. ZING!


6. Ross and Rachel discover they have feelings for each other and then she puts out on the second date. slut.


5. Live-blogging the season finale of According to Jim.


4. A Special Post to let all of you know..."What's Up... Down There".

3. Roger Clemens will talk to Thirsty Bitch about Brian McNamee and lose his shit again.

2. Posts funnier than this one ( not a big challenge).

1. An animated version of Thirsty Bitch, ala Punky Brewster....



God, I miss that stuff.